A Head Full of Wishes

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Luna are punk in the UK, October 2016

Luna (photo: Joakim)
Luna (photo: Joakim)

We got there driving along the hills, hundreds of sheep walking around on the green grass, on the slopes, a big beautiful rainbow bowed grandly far away. Heavy clouds but the sun shone through in between them. It was magical. I just stared. Rolled down the window and breathed in the fresh air. Had to stop a couple of times to open gates so we could pass. And push away sheep just laying there on the small gravel road. We got to the house. It looks like a small castle, made of stone. It's on the southern English countryside. We had tea and biscuits with Andy's family. His son Adam, his cousin, his father and uncle too. There were daughters and boyfriends too. A nice dog.

“This documentary is about ten years old”, I say and Andy's father is commenting again. “Have they improved?”

Andy's father once saw Dean & Britta play and they met after the show. He told Dean “you should let Britta sing more". Dean quoted it himself in his blog at the time.

A stew was cooking in a huge heavy iron pot, and a big butternut squash was getting ready to be chopped in smaller pieces and roasted in the oven. “What band are you following?”, they asked us.

Andy put on the credit part of the Tell Me Do You Miss Me documentary. While the credits are shown, with Andy's name at the top of the thank you list, 23 Minutes in Brussels is played. We are sitting in this kitchen, everyone is watching, some extraordinary live shots of the band is shown with the credits. Chocolate biscuits with almonds and dried fruit. The British love those kind of things. Dean is a playing a solo, the swirling light from the small TV in the kitchen flashes.

It looks like a small castle (photo: Joakim)
It looks like a small castle (photo: Joakim)

It's quiet for some seconds, a bit unusual in this family I think. "So you saw them yesterday too", Andy's cousin asks. "And the day before that too?" We are forced to have one more cookie. We split it in two and eat, it's very tasty. “Actually tonight will be the eighth time this trip”, we tell them. The happy dog runs from knee to knee, the tail's wagging back and forth. The fur is silky smooth. “This documentary is about ten years old”, I say and Andy's father is commenting again. “Have they improved?”

After the extra day in New York, when Britta sent us the e-mail asking us if we wanted to have dinner with them, we flew to Manchester. In Manchester, we checked in to our beautiful hotel and Ulrika fell asleep right away. With ocean sounds in her earbuds, she likes to listen swelling waves when she's sleeping. And to A Swinging Safari when she's flying. Music is comforting. I went out for a walk and to meet our friend Bengt. He hasn't listened to Luna much, but decided to travel around the UK with us.

We go and see Bob Dylan shows together in many places. Italy, Germany, Denmark, London and New York too. Bengt is great to be around, cheering us up with his relaxed ways. He is good for us. Ulrika might not be stable all the time and there's not much for me to do about it. She gets annoyed, especially at me and my behaviour. For no reason if you ask me, for many reasons if you ask her. Bengt just laughs, “honey bunny, come on”, he says, and then everything's fine. We like him very much. Comforting music and comforting friends.

I went out for a walk and we met and had a delicious pint of ale in a charming pub called The Old Monkey across the street from our hotel. The strong noon sunlight flowed in the room, it almost looked foggy. There was a smell of dust and wood, and a strong perfume aroma from the white pellets in the urinal bowls behind the swing doors. It made me feel good. And happy to be in Europe again. Almost like being home. Ulrika woke up and joined us after a while. We were united and went to The Temple again, just had to, the old underground urinal transformed to a pub. I remember the year before, when I stumbled into Mike and Jon. These music trips really takes us to interesting places.

Bengt and Ulrika (photo: Joakim)
Bengt and Ulrika (photo: Joakim)

We walked towards the venue, the Manchester Academy on Oxford Road near the University. We drop Ulrika off by the venue, she wants to stand in line and me and Bengt did something else. We walked around or had another pint. Clear blue sky, a lovely day, happy people on the street, and suddenly Bengt stops and says with a shrug, “there he is!”. I look up and there's Dean. He stops too. He must have passed Ulrika without them noticing each other. Both stressed. Dean was going to buy some equipment for tonight's show. Ulrika was going to wait for tonight's show.

The British concert venues are often totally different than the American ones. It's more like a proper concert venue, but with no personality. It's just a black room, no decorations, and there's a fence between the stage and the audience. The audience is very different too. The British humour can't be compared to anything else. More biting black humour, in US it's warmer. Dean doesn't feel he has to be nice, he blends in nicely. They are doing Penthouse again and they play the first song. “There's a Chinatown here too”, Dean says, “although I have to say the one in New York is a bit nicer.” The show is fun and the sound is intense, Ulrika says it sounds very very nice.

“We are not going to Brussels on this tour, they didn't want us. But we're going to Antwerp.” Dean says. Ulrika is going there later. I am not. I'm going home. Leaving her. I'm going home to have a tooth pulled. A nightmare. I hate it. Having two teeth pulled actually. I want to stay here. Listening to Luna as a punk band. It's really fun. After Kalamazoo Dean and Sean talk for minutes about the guitars made there, between Chicago and Detroit. Kalamazoo, I wonder if I'll ever get the chance to go there. The city Paw Paw is right next to it. Maybe I'll go there too. “Wastin' time wastin' time”, Dean screams out. Like a punk band, it's loud, it's raw, and Sean's guitar screams. Luna are punk in the UK. Music doesn't get much better than Freakin' and Peakin'.

It's loud, it's raw, and Sean's guitar screams. Luna are punk in the UK

The talkative crowd is matching this band. Someone shouts for Speedbumps, “let's do it”, Sean says, and they play it. It's easy being a Luna fan. Once they've started to play again. Not much to complain about. Friendly Advice in a punk version. We're in Manchester after all. People are singing along to Bonnie and Clyde, it's great to hear. We step out and go to our favourite The Salisbury, if the venues don't have much personality, the pubs have plenty of it. They are great. This one closes late for a change.

We meet Allison and Bill, our new Canadian friends, it's loud, I can't hear a thing, but I don't care, I'm in Manchester, just saw the greatest punk band play. Anything can happen now. I'm even OK with waiting one hour for the pizza delivery to the hotel that night. I don't care. I'm OK with anything. As we walked to the train station the morning after, a big van drove up next to us, someone yelled Ulrika's name. It was Dean from the front seat, smiling and waving. They finally met, and they were both going to Oxford.

Luna in Oxford (photo: Bengt)
Luna in Oxford (photo: Bengt)

Oxford is the county town of Oxfordshire. It's an old university city, more than thousand years old. The houses and buildings looks old, because they are. The sidewalks are narrow, and it's crowded. We met Andy and Kelly and had some pies. With gravy, and mash. Stepped outside and looked at all the old buildings. And kept walking through the city and finally got to our small hotel room. It was cold. The houses have paper thin walls in this country. They build houses like it's Thailand. It's not.

We dropped off our bags and went to meet the others again. Andy had found this lovely corner place, The Cowley Retreat, just a stone's throw away from the venue. The drinks were cheap and the light in the place was gorgeous and it was the perfect spot to wait for yet another Luna show. Shabby was there too, she had broken her arm, it looked troublesome. Sean showed up because Kelly was there and he took a photo of us, since Kelly asked him. He asked me what I had in my breast pocket of my jacket. It's a recorder, I said. He sighed and shook his head. Someone has to do it.

…and a fence in front of the stage (photo: Joakim)
…and a fence in front of the stage (photo: Joakim)

We continued to the venue and we met Britta and Dean. I like writing their names in that order. We took a photo together. And when we finally get in we notice that the place is small, it's decorated the same way as in Manchester, just black, and a fence in front of the stage. We always arrive first, and we are alone for almost an hour or so. Andy shows up and asks if he can buy me a drink and I feel weird about it because I know he doesn't like alcohol very much and the Bourbon I want is expensive too. Any Bourbon is OK but any Bourbon is expensive. But he insists and gets me a glass. It's Andy after all. I'll buy him an ice cream some day. With topping, chocolate chips or rainbow sprinkles, whatever he decides, he can have it.

This is one of the most bizarre Luna shows I've been to. I've never been to a Luna show with less people in the crowd. I don't know but maybe 50 people show up. Dean is not in his happiest mood but that's fine. That's when Sean steps in, really trying to be happy. I like bizarre Luna shows. Memorable. It's loud again. They are rushing through the set. It's effective. Not much interaction with the audience at first. Only dry comments. “This next song is called Moon Palace. Paul Auster titled his novel after a Chinese restaurant in New York. That's interesting, isn't it?”

Lee starts 23 Minutes in Brussels but they stop after a few seconds. It's the wrong song of course. A misprint on the setlist. Should be Double Feature. It's that kind of show. But they play intense, loud. A lot of feedback. We are standing in the front. We hear a lot of guitars in the front row. From their own amplifiers. It's great. Dean is wearing a red Grateful Dead t-shirt. Britta is wearing white sneakers with three Velcro buckles on each shoe. They look extremely comfortable. She can jump around. And Sean can play. It's pretty magical actually. Dean is playing almost his whole Brussels solo sitting down. I really like bizarre Luna shows.

Velcro was invented by a Swiss engineer when he was walking in the woods with his dog. Sean is drinking water from a glass. Or if it's something else he's drinking. He tries to loosen up the atmosphere after Lost in Space when Britta interrupts.

Sean: “Well thanks…Yeah, so…”
Britta: “Does anyone got a bottle opener?”
Sean: “That's a more important statement than what I was going to make.”
Britta: “Yes.”
Sean: “Who's got a bottle opener dammit?”

It's a very quiet audience, I guess it's only natural a week day and there's almost no one in the audience. But Sean continues.

Sean: “We were riding around with the band today. Well not just riding around, we were on our way here. It's not like we were taking some kind of sightseeing trip somewhere. And I said to Dean, have you ever played in Oxford before?”
Dean: “What did I say?”
Sean: “You said ’no!‘”
Dean: “No, I've never played in Oxford. I don't think so.”
Sean: “Right, right.”
Dean: “So it's the first. Might not happen again either.”

Some people begin to chuckle a little. It's a bit rude but funny too.

Sean: “Well I've never been here either. But I had a delicious ale and a cheeseburger down at the Rusty Bicycle. Absolutely lovely.”
Dean: “I've had it, one of those before.”
Sean: “What? God damn you, sir.”

And then Sean, with his distinct clear Fender sound, starts Rhythm King. And then Kalamazoo. Great as always. Then they start talking again.

Dean: “Over the years, there's been a lot of great historians come out from Oxford University.”
Sean: “Historians?”
Dean: “You know, political scientists and such.”
Sean: “Oh, indeed!”
Dean: “Well, one of them, his name was Isaiah Berlin, he wrote an essay called The Hedgehog and the Fox.”
Sean: “That's right!”
Dean: “He went to All Souls College.”
Sean: “Mmmm…”
Dean: “That's what this next song is about.”
Sean: “Ready Lee? …I think Lee is ready.”

“Ready Lee? …I think Lee is ready.”
“Ready Lee? …I think Lee is ready.”

And then Sean, with his distinct clear Fender sound, it's that sound of his again, and with it, he starts Hedgehog. And I start dancing. Didn't need to worry about bumping into someone. Britta was dancing too, in her white comfortable shoes. Luckily some people scream and make a lot of noise after Bonnie and Clyde, making it sound like there's a lot more people in the audience. It's not just the most bizarre Luna show, it's also the shortest. But they come back to play three encores. One of few Luna concerts without either Malibu Love Nest or Friendly Advice. Lee gave Ulrika the setlist with the misprint. And Sean posed with his setlist in front of my camera.

We got out and went to The Library, a place next door, it's more like an apartment with books, and a tall desk with drinks instead of a regular pub. A great place. Joe from Ireland, Allison, Bill, Bengt, Ulrika and other fans came too. Then some of us went to James Street Tavern, I guess Kelly wrote me a text asking us to come. “You guys should come here”, something like that, that's what she usually writes to me and I can never say no. It's on a small cross street. Again one of those pubs that's impossible not to like. It's like stepping into a movie or one of those British TV series, with locals, real characters, all of them. Sean was there too, and his old friends, and we tried the assortment, enjoyed ourselves. And we stepped out and we were happy. Another day of happiness. Kelly didn't want to walk alone so we followed her. In the night. A little foggy that night. Cold. But we were happy.

Joakim, Dean, Britta, Bengt and Ulrika in Oxford (photo: Joakim)
Joakim, Dean, Britta, Bengt and Ulrika in Oxford (photo: Joakim)

The room was so cold Ulrika had to wear my old t-shirt outside her own sleepwear. I ended up standing in the room for an hour, don't ask me why, but I just did, I started writing notes. I put two towels on her too. She fell asleep and I just stood there. And I started to write this paragraph that you are reading now. I like to sleep when it's cold. I can't fall asleep when it's too warm, feels like your body is boiling, the brain is expanding, turning in all sorts of directions. I prefer the body and brain to cool off, to slow down, to hand itself over to the man above for a while, let him do whatever is needed, what's needed for a good night's sleep. But this room in Oxford is too cold.

The next day we went up in the tower of the St Mary the Virgin church. It was cramped up there but offered a great view of all the old buildings in Oxford. Then we went to London and had fish and chips at The Castle on Pentonville Road, maybe the best fish and chips I've ever had. The tartar sauce was so good that we asked the chef to make more for us. Kelly came too, she had bought an enchilada kit, she was happy as a child.

The venue was again O2 and boring at first sight, with morons in the bar. They had special price on Bourbon with a mixer, that's fine I said, but I don't need the mixer. I wasn't allowed to order a Bourbon with no mixer, because they didn't know how to register it in the register. I said that's fine, I'll buy it with the mixer, and you can just use it later. They couldn't do that. You can have it yourself as a refreshment, they didn't want it. Then I said you can pour the mixer out in the sink. They said they couldn't do that either.

The opening act is called Drift and is fantastic. One girl band playing electronic dance music with vocals, I don't know how to describe it other than that. A bit like Suicide but with a young British girl instead. Some of the best opening acts Luna have had lately are British. Flowers and Hookworms in 2015 for instance, and now this girl. Impressive. Britta opens her set with One Fine Summer Morning and it sounds lovely. The audience is a little cautious, but all of it sounds great. “This is kind of a lost ABBA song, they released this in 1984, and I'm bringing it back”, she says and continues, “wrap your arms around me”. We will. But you are so far away. The song is a solo track from Agneta Fältskog's album with the same name as the song, Wrap Your Arms Around Me.

Britta supporting Luna in London (photo: Joakim)
Britta supporting Luna in London (photo: Joakim)

We met Chris in London. He is such a nice guy, and great to be friends with on Facebook because he's a plane spotter, not a train spotter. Trainspotting is a great movie though. There's a sequel to it now, haven't seen it. And we meet other Swedes again, like we did in Manchester two years ago. Per and his girlfriend and friend, all Luna fans, never met them in Stockholm, only over here. And we met Ari from Barcelona, we met her in New York after the Bowery shows, we danced.

This night is going to be different. We're going from the most bizarre Luna show, in Oxford, to one of their best, ever. The venue might be boring but when the light show starts and the music is this good, it's perfect. This time the sound is spot on perfect, less raw than the previous two, less crazy, but overall much better for the regular audience. Dean was in a good mood too. And I finally got a Bourbon without any mixer, from the other bar.

After 23 Minutes in Brussels Dean says that the title refers to when Suicide played in Brussels 1978. “They were in Brussels opening for Elvis Costello and slowly were getting booed off the stage.” It's a remarkable piece of history in music. It was recorded on cassette tape by Howard Thompson. Some of the audience is booing between the songs and shouting “Elvis! Elvis!” because they want to hear Elvis Costello, not Suicide. “This is a love song for you from New York City”, Alan Vega says, “it's about a lady that lives over there, her name is Cheree.” And it's of course very good but the audience at that time didn't really get it. Martin Rev is playing the keyboards. I was lucky to meet Martin Rev in Paris after the Dean & Britta show last year when they played the second Warhol show. It was backstage. I just had to do it. Martin Rev was sitting alone in a black leather sofa. He was wearing black leather himself. And black sunglasses of course. I walked over there, asked if I could sit next to him and have a photo taken. He hardly even looked at me, and I sat down, and our friend Franck from France took a photo of us. The first time I heard Luna was on Suicide tribute album, it was the wonderful Dream Baby Dream, I wish they would play it live again some day.

Sean Eden (photo: Joakim)
Sean Eden (photo: Joakim)

The Suicide show in Brussels includes the classics. “This is about somebody, just like all of you, every one of you”, Alan Vega says. And they start playing Frankie Teardrop. But someone steals the microphone. The booing continues when the try to get it back, and they continue to shout “Elvis!, Elvis!”. When Alan finally gets the microphone back he recites the lyrics. “20 year old Frankie, working in a factory, from seven to five, just trying to survive, let's hear it for Frankie. Frankie, Frankie…”. But the audience keeps booing. Alan can't control himself and screams loud with desperation, “Shut the fuck up, it's about Frankie!”. Absolutely devastating to hear.

That Suicide show has been compared to when Dylan went electric. From electric guitars to electronic music, some people can't handle that. The recorded performance is titled 23 Minutes Over Brussels, because that's how long the Suicide show in Brussels lasted. “We can't even get a gig in Brussels, we are going to Antwerp”, Dean says, “they don't want us”. It's a bit funny actually. “Move on to side two”, Sean says.

They are talking and laughing between the songs. Like a family that's not hating each other. I look at Kelly, Ulrika and Bengt, they are standing next to me, on my left side. I don't see Bengt smiling that often during shows, he is very serious about going to shows, at least while the shows lasts, not so much before and after, but now he's smiling. They are talking about Lee's tweets again. And it's Sean. Bengt can't stop talking about Sean's poses on stage. And Luna are indeed fun to watch, always something going on.

Dean Wareham of Luna in London (photo: Joakim)
Dean Wareham of Luna in London (photo: Joakim)

Dean is freaking out during Kalamazoo, he's messing with the guitar, he's all over the fretboard, he doesn't miss a note. In fact he plays every note that can be played on a guitar. Why waste a note? And Freakin' and Peakin' is very very very intense tonight, they sound like Velvet Underground, playing Sister Ray or What Goes On 1969. It's brilliant. It's a very different show from Oxford. People are screaming and shouting for songs constantly during the break. “Luna I love you” someone screams with a broken voice, sounds like a movie title. No one is booing. Just loving. They play five encores, Bobby Peru among others, they end with Indian Summer.

After the show we stay on the main floor and talk to everyone, the other Swedes of course, Chris, Ari, all of them. After a while Britta comes out and invites us backstage, at first we are not allowed to go there because we don't have backstage passes, then she gets some for us, Joe is getting up early the next day and leaves, a bit sad, we say goodbye. We follow Britta, it's taking forever to go their assigned area. Andy, Allison and all of them goe into a smaller room and me and Ulrika stay in the corridor. It's as embarrassing as always but Lee is there and we start to talk. Me and Ulrika talked earlier about that the band must be extremely sick of seeing us all the time at their shows. I said to Lee, “you must be sick of seeing our ugly faces all the time”. “You really think so?”, he said and gave Ulrika a hug to prove it wasn't so. That made us feel good.

Weird, high, drunk guys started to talk to us and gave us the address to the after party. Andy came too, that made me extra glad, he's usually not staying out that late, it was great having him with us. When we got there Kelly was there already, drinking Champagne. What else? I had the chance to talk to Dean a little bit. I thanked him for playing Lovedust at The Birchmere in Alexandria about a week ago or so. “We played it for you”, he said.

Loitering in the fans room backstage at the o2 Academy

We talked with Sean and Kelly about Swedish bands, he was wearing a Dungen t-shirt and said he liked Bob Hund as well, it's a very original band with a very charismatic singer. I thought it was a little bit strange that foreigners listen to Swedish bands that sing in Swedish. But Sean said he didn't mind at all. I would like to mention Ossler, a guitar player that has released a couple of solo albums, they are very dark, atmospheric and fantastic, Berlin meets Malmö, the Swedish southern city that is featured in the TV show Bron, The Bridge. Ossler is usually playing with Thâström, no one can be compared to Thâström, a punk icon here, he is one of a kind, with countless classics, I like the piano ballad Fanfanfan. Skriet is a good band too. Another favourite of mine is Love Olzon, he is more similar to Dean, he has a unique guitar style too but he hurt his hand recently. I like watching him play live because he's unpredictable and has a captivating way of phrasing, like Dean, and Dylan, but Love Olzon doesn't sell many records and almost never play live, it's a shame. The best Swedish live band right now is Moon City Boys, four girls with a lot of personality, they sound a bit like a mix between Television and The Cramps when they play live. It would be the perfect opener for Luna, if they ever play in Sweden again.

We walked back to our hotel, called Hotel California, it's true, but first we got some food at a night open oriental restaurant, not just fast food, we are actually placed in the dining room, it must be two or three in the night, that's what can happen in big cities. The morning after we go and meet Andy and we are driving to Bognor Regis.

We talked about our siblings in the car. Andy's brother beat him up. They don't talk much and they don't share taste in music. His brother went the disco route. I think that even if you don't share taste in music it's still possible to talk about music. My brother kind of beat me up too, and he doesn't get Luna at all. And Dylan is the worst there is, he says. A lot of people think so and I can understand them in some way, but you have to reach beyond the surface and then there is endless things to find. We talked about jazz. Andy once tried to learn to play jazz piano but failed. He had an idea how to play jazz piano in a rock and roll style.

The green trees rushing by outside the car windows, the landscape got more and more beautiful the more south we reached. We passed pretty little villages, with antique shops and relaxed atmosphere. I wanted to stop, and stay. But we kept going, until we reached Andy's father's house and met Andy's nice son Adam. They had got cheese and bread for us. And we got tea. Englishmen drink tea with milk, I find that a bit repulsive, it's like drinking mud, but they don't get me and that's fine. We hadn't had breakfast yet so everything tasted delicious. Then we went to Andy's cousin, living in that castle, with the beautiful scenery, sheep and pheasants walking around on the hills. That was when Andy's father asked if Luna has improved. I would say they have changed quite a lot. It's a much more relaxed band. They feel very comfortable on stage. And I think they really like playing together, and to travel together. And who wouldn't if you come to places like this. To places like Bognor Regis.

Adam opens the gates
Adam opens the gates

We pulled up on the parking lot and tried to get our free tickets Dean was nice to give us. Otherwise we would have been forced to buy festival tickets for the whole weekend including lodging, we just wanted to see Luna, didn't have time for anything else either. We don't like asking for free tickets, don't want free tickets. The area is called Butlins and is a typical old British entertainment complex for city people wanting to come to the ocean and relax. It looks very outdated today, but very charming. We made it in time to see Wire. They were loud and it was nice to see the two bands talk between their sets.

Since Suede was playing after Luna, we had no chance to get spots in the very front row, because about 50 Suede fans had already lined up along the fence. But they were young and short, we didn't mind, they were cute and friendly, they had never heard of Luna but was looking forward to seeing them, they had read good things. Dean and Sean and the others were up there rigging and when Dean saw us he looked genuinely happy, happy to see two Luna fans among 50 hardcore Suede fans. We were happy to see him too.

They are playing a festival gig and adapt the setlist a lot. Malibu as the second song. Speedbumps. 23 Minutes and Lovedust follows one after another. It's great to hear them play other songs than the Penthouse album, especially since we've seen them do it so many times lately, and since they did it so well in London last night, a night impossible to improve upon. “We are the Luna band, also known as just Luna. I think we are the only American band today.” Dean is introducing themselves. The young happy Suede fans next to us are enjoying the show very much. The band's unique chemistry spreads among the crowd in the old wood floored dance hall they are playing in. It's like being on an old cruise ship, the dinner or dance hall, there's a charming swing band playing on stage. The ship is not about to go down.

Dean starts to talk about when they were supposed to play in Spain 1997, on the same stage as Suede, but the wind came and blew the stage away. Sean continues the story. “It's true, I was still in the dressing room having drinks, but the rest of the band was on stage, and then they came down, soaked and said ‘we almost died man!’, and I was like what, what are you talking about?” Sean is doing standup in Bognor Regis and the audience laughs and really appreciates something totally different, this band is different from other bands. Lovedust is great to hear again. “The candles light themselves.” It accentuates the already warm feeling in the room. It's romantic.

When Dean saw us he looked genuinely happy, happy to see two Luna fans among 50 hardcore Suede fans

I don't know if Dean is nervous about meeting his fans, or talking in front of a crowd. He is a special character, hard to read. Shallow cool. His eyes are like spears. Small, sharp, his words are direct. I know that he is nervous on stage sometimes, even if very rarely. At some point in in Bognor Regis he was shaking a bit, his hands, his voice falters, the words didn't flow as easily when he told his story. A story about how the town got its name. In Paris, playing the Andy Warhol songs, he was nervous too. Telling stories about the people in Andy Warhol's amazing short movies. Dean, when he has planned beforehand what to say, he becomes a bit nervous. It makes him human after all and it warms my heart.

The guitar on Tracy I Love You actually sounds a bit like Suede, Dean's guitar, and Britta's choir vocal part, the sweeping sounds, Sean's guitar, the big pompous drums. Britta sings One Fine Summer Morning and it's just perfect to have the set mixed up with her beautiful sounds. Sean is singing Still at Home and the audience loves it, he's not just the entertainer, even if people are laughing just by watching his mere appearance, listening to his small observations and comments, small grunts, he is much more than that. His voice floors us all. Melts a bit. And for the first time I hear Neil Young's Like A Hurricane in this song. It's so good. And it's so romantic.

Luna on stage at Butlins, Bognor Regis

Anesthesia is a treat to hear and Blue Thunder too. Dean at least almost nails the high pitch vocals, “I drive so far away”. Friendly Advice ends the show. Dean texts me after show asking if we are staying to see Suede. We are not, we are going back to London, Andy is dropping us off at a train station in the middle of nowhere, we are getting the last train back to London. It's pitch black outside the windows while we are traveling north back to London. Two girls opposite us are all dressed up, going home from a party or something, Ulrika looks at me. She is leaving early the morning after. I drop her off at the St. Pancras International train station. I see her walking through the security, she's going to Antwerp, without me.

I am left alone. I will not see more Luna shows on this tour, I am not going to Antwerp, not to Paris either, I am going home. But first I walk around in London. I just wander around, with no particular place to go. I find a pub called Friend At Hand and I step in. I like the name. Opposite is The Horse Hospital, an old beautiful brick building, I drink a few beers. Eat fish and chips again, it's not very good. I stare at the girl in the bar, just like stupid guys like me do. Then I catch my flight to Stockholm. I am going to the dentist to pull two teeth.

And it wasn't fun. I wanted to be in Antwerp, or in Paris. Wanted someone to hold my hand. They said I had to breathe, because apparently I didn't. You have to breath. I cried. And cried. The blood and the tears ran down from my cheeks and chin. Leaving big red stains on the white hospital gown. I wanted someone to stand in front of me. And sing a song. Honey bunny, come on.

A little later I get a text message from Ulrika. She is drinking wine with Luna in Paris.